Scream Queens Episode 9 “Ghost Stories”

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Boone is gulping down an orange slushy while on the phone again on Wallace University campus. His massive unruly wig and fake beard should keep him from being recognized, right? Frat guys approach him and are thrilled to meet the villain of Gladiator, Joaquin Phoenix. Boone tells his devilish partner that Gigi will die when they meet the night after.

 

“You come after Boone, you best kill correct. This has always been about you and me. Have you talked to Zayday? How is she?”

 

Boone’s icy beverage loosens his fake beard enough to cause it to slip off, leaving him bare-faced as he turns to find Chanel #3 staring at him in horror. His jaw drops. He is about to spill the beans when she logically concludes that he is a ghost.

 

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“You’ve come back to kill me because I said you couldn’t gay pledge Kappa. Please don’t kill me. I’m sort of gay now, too.”

With a simple “Boo!” Boone chases  #3 away.

 

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At Kappa house, Chanel gathers her minions and encourages them to cheer up on the last night of Kappa before the holiday and the closure of campus in the wake of the murders.

Chanel is dressed as Sacagawea, whom she claims helped the pilgrims organize the first Thanksgiving. In reality, the first three-day feast of the Harvest took place in 1621, long before Sacagawea’s birth in 1788. She was one of the guides and interpreters who assisted Lewis and Clark in the 1804 expedition to explore the Louisiana Purchase. But Chanel doesn’t bother with any of that. She thinks a snug, thigh-baring brown velvet dress is Native American attire from the 1600s. You kind of have to go along with it. It turns out this outfit is for the Radwell Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, and Chad proposed to Chanel. Not a biggie.

Wait, WHAT?

We flashback to Compliment Night, where the subtle and romantic Chad purrs such sweet nothings as: “Chanel, you’re so hot you give my bone a bone.”

Suddenly, he gets down on one knee and offers her a silver turkey wishbone necklace as an invite to his family’s exclusive Thanksgiving celebration in the Hamptons on the 2,5000 acre Radwell compound.

So he only “proposed” that Chanel should come to dinner. But she reasons that every silver wishbone necklace given by Chad’s father and brothers Thad and Brad has led to an engagement ring by Christmas. Neckbrace is furious as the four toast to Chanel’s good fortune.

Miss Oberlin explains that sororities are really just a launch pad for meeting and marrying wealthy future husbands. She couldn’t care less about the sisterhood aspect.

Grace isn’t too keen on spending Thanksgiving with her family aka Weston and his psycho fiancé Gigi. Zayday invites her buddy to Oakland turkey day, and Grace happily agrees.

 

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Mama Denise forces the Chanels to bubble wrap each item of insanely expensive clothing due to the closing of campus. Who knows when Kappa House may reopen?

During The Wrappening, Chanel #3 reveals that Boone’s vengeful and gay ghost is haunting her. This gives Mama Denise an idea; she can only relax from high stress situations by listening to freaky ghost stories that take her mind off her stressors. She decides to try this form of scary therapy with the Chanels.

She regales them with a tale of the Kappa, a troll like monster that lives in the sewers of Japan, waiting for someone to use a toilet so they can crush and drown their victims in raw sewage.

Yuck.

Hester is excited by the ghost stories and wants more. The rest of the girls, not so much. Sensing that her story didn’t fully alleviate the fear of the Red Devil from her charges, Denise launches into The Red Cloak, a deadly phantom who places two rolls of toilet paper in a bathroom stall. One roll, which is red, guarantees a throat slashing. The other, which is blue, leads to a strangling that leaves you blue in the face. Now terrified of bathrooms, Chanel Oberlin and Numbers 3 and 5 flee, leaving Neckbrace. She wants more!

At the frat house, Chad is carefully placing each piece of his clothing in heat sealed packets when the bedroom door opens and in walks Boone, sans hairpieces.

Chad immediately accepts that Boone is a ghost. He catches Boone up on the happenings since his “death”: the affair with Denise; the loss of Caulfield’s arms and head; the hottening of Hester as soon as she removed her neck brace.

Boone explains that he has returned from the afterlife to take Zayday Williams on a date, and asks to borrow Chad’s “date shirt”, now sealed into a small plastic rectangle.

“Hold on. You know Zayday’s a chick, right? Boone, did you forget you’re super gay?”

Boone hilariously reveals that making love to Zayday will allow him to become a mortal man again.

 

You kind of have to feel bad for Chad at this point.

 

He tells Boone that Zay is dating British frat member Earl Grey, who helped Zayday win the co-presidency of Kappa. The reckless and unpredictable Red Devil killer takes this news in stride, and you know what that means.

Denise heads into the palatial marble bathroom at Kappa house only to find two rolls of toilet paper on display: one red, one blue. As she contemplates her decision instead of simply fleeing, there is a rustling noise from the next stall over. Clawed crimson fingers appear over the top edge of the stall as the Red Devil leaps over. During the ensuing struggle, Denise fires her stun gun into the ceiling and nearly drowns the Devil in the toilet. She escapes the stall and crawls out of the bathroom as the masked killer recovers. Denise warns the girls that the killer is haunting the restroom. The only cure for all this terror?

Mama Denise needs another ghost story.

Hemphill locks the girls in by handcuffing the double doors. It’s story time and this time Hester is spinning the yarn of terror. In the 1950s, a sorority sister was driving back to campus for the first time since getting her license when she learns that the psychotic Meathook Killer has escaped a nearby asylum. Suddenly, a truck behind her begins honking and flashing its blinding headlights. The sister pulls into a gas station and her pursuer follows. As the young woman seeks help from a gas station attendant, the truck driver tells them both that someone was in the girl’s backseat and that the killer was forced to cower in hiding because of the honking and lights. They open the backdoor to find a meat hook on the seat and the opposite door ajar.

Denise uncuffs the doors. Chanel #5, aka Libby, decides that the best way to shut down the Red Devil is for everyone to leave campus.

No prey, no predators.

She prepares to leave.

Zayday packs for home while being romanced by the suave Earl Grey. They kiss for the first time. He leaves to retrieve his Lovemaking Kit–lotions, robes, massagers and strawberries–from the frat house. He is barely out the door when Boone clumsily climbs up a ladder and into Zayday’s bedroom. He is wearing the legendary “date shirt” and carrying a bouquet of flowers.

“Nice shirt.”

“Thank you. Know what it’s made out of? Boyfriend material.”

He tries the whole supernatural, risen from dead angle with Zayday and she sees through him instantly. She now knows Boone faked his death, and there’s only one reason to do that with the police on the hunt for a killer and the campus paralyzed in fear.

Grace walks in and also immediately names Boone one of the two Red Devils. Zay points out the fork wound on Boone’s left hand, from when she stabbed the Red Devil in his evil hideout. The two ladies attempt to grab Boone, who pulls free and falls out the window. They rush to the window sill to find the patio below empty; shades of Halloween, with old Doc Loomis peering down at the empty lawn Michael fell onto.

Grace and Zayday attempt to inform the Chanel that Boone never died. At this disturbing news, Libby exits with her luggage. Outside, Earl Grey approaches with his Sex Kit in hand until he is struck down by the Devil. Boone removes his mask and gloats over his dying frat brother.

“I thought you were dead.”

“Wasn’t.”

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Earl Grey dies. Libby drives away Wallace University as the radio station disc jockey she’s listening to announces that authorities are posting an APB for Boone. Meanwhile, a truck behind her begins flashing its lights and honking. Libby pulls into a nearby gas station. The pursuing truck follows and both Number 5 and a scruffy redneck trucker get out of their respective vehicles. Libby knees the redneck truck driver in the balls. After going down in pain, he tells her that someone is in her backseat.

The backseat is empty. As they peer in, the Red Devil slaughters the trucker from behind with a machete. Libby flees in her car back to Kappa House.

Hester confronts Chad about Thanksgiving. She is now wearing her neckbrace again after Bedazzling it with silver beads.

 

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Chad unveils his list of five things about Hester that made her a poor choice to invite home for the Radwell feast.

  • She farted during sex.
  • Bad genetics, which led to her collapsing spinal column.
  • She has cheeseburger breath.
  • And a pooh belly.
  • Chanel is rich. Hester isn’t.

Hester departs on a menacing note. Something twisted is afoot.

Gathered again at KKT house, the Chanels contemplate Earl Grey’s death, the killer in the backseat of Libby’s car and its similarities to the tale Hester told them, and the fact that Boone is one half of the team of killers. In walks Hester with a bombshell: she’s pregnant with Chad’s baby!

Meanwhile, Chad is STILL packing for the trip. He’s been packing the entire episode. Chanel interrupts him to reveal that Hester is pregnant. Chad is unsure, but ultimately believes the story. He tells Chanel that he’ll have to take Hester home for the holiday and marry her. That’s how the Radwell’s do it. Chanel wants him to pay to be rid of Hester, or pay the Ultimate Price.

“Did you just threaten to kill me? Chanel, are you the killer?”

Chanel looks back at him over her shoulder as she leaves.

“I guess we’ll see.”

Back at Kappa house, Chanel apologizes to Numbers 3 and 5 for her behavior of late and dissing the sisterhood in favor of meeting a wealthy husband. #3 accepts the apology, but the oft humiliated #5 does not. It turns out this apology and sudden altruism masks an agenda.

“Now that we’re a sisterhood again, I need your help to get rid of Chanel #6.”

“By get rid of, do you mean force her to leave or kill her?”

“Are you insane, Number 5? The bitch seduced my boyfriend into getting her pregnant. Of course I mean kill her. Now come on, murder. Ideas. Go!”

Detective Chisholm reappears with the Dean and a sketch artist to draw the man Grace and Zayday saw upstairs. Zay angrily reminds them all that the police have dozens of actual photos of Boone from his days as a Devil victim. Chisholm brings in Paul Cameron, a member of D.O.P.E, the Department Of Paranormal Exploration. The look on Dean Munsch’s face is priceless as Chisholm explains his theory that the Red Devil cannot be caught because he’s a spirit. Cameron busts out some EVP recording equipment and has a word of warning for Zayday. If Earl Grey shows up as a ghost, she must not have sex with him!

Having had enough of this insanity, Cathy steps in. But Zayday turns on her, pointing out that she has done nothing but sit back and let students be picked off. Grace and Zay storm off as Chisholm attempts to console Cathy.

Big mistake on his part.

“Not only am I going to have you taken off this case and fired, but I’m going to make sure everyone knows that during sex, you asked in baby talk if you could nurse from me.”

Upstairs, the Dean comes with a peace-offering of sorts to Grace and Zayday. She explains that the Kappa sister in the tub 20 years ago had two babies. As she died, the sister let out a death rattle so powerful it expelled the second baby, a boy. One of the Kappa sisters present took both babies with her.

At an upscale, ultramodern hotel room, Boone explains his failed plan to bed Zayday to his Devil costumed sister. Gigi enters and rakes Boone over the coals for the kidnapping of Miss Williams, which was never part of the plan, and walking around town as Joaquin Phoenix, and showing up at Kappa as “Ghost Boone.” You have to hand it to Gigi, she has a couple valid points.

Boone fires back. He’s angry that he spent the first few months of his life being fed from garbage cans and with stolen milk, and that he grew up partly in a mental institution as a child. Instead of having a normal childhood, he learned how to slow down his breathing and heart rate so that even a trained coroner would declare him dead. He studied special effects makeup to produce the fake slashed neck, pretended to be gay and attacked Gigi with a chainsaw at Kappa to throw the scent off her. He is advancing on her as he talks, and over his shoulder we can see the second Red Devil rise up.

Boone explains that Gigi has to die now. His costumed partner steps forward and neatly stabs Boone through the heart as Gigi screams. Dear sweet Boone drops dead and his adoptive mother collects her thoughts.

“Your commitment to revenge is clearly greater than your brother’s was. Should we get some room service?”

Now there’s just one more little issue to take care of.

Back at Kappa house, Hester is delighted to learn that Chanel is loaning her some of her expensive clothes for Rads-giving. Clearly Hester has never seen a “Scream Queens” episode. Friendly Chanel Oberlin is the deadliest foe without a red cape and horns. The Chanels feed Hester sushi, soft unpasteurized cheese and champagne with triple the alcohol and infusions of tobacco. She gulps it all down. Chanel explains that this was a test to see if Hester was really pregnant. Numbers 3 and 5 produce at least ten pregnancy test sticks and Hester admits to NOT being knocked up. But since she is going to the Hamptons with Chad, she fully expects to come back with child.

At first, Chanel screams and chases Hester to the stairs. Then she calms down and apologizes for insulting Neckbrace and treating her horribly. She admits defeat in terms of Chad. Hester is drawn in by this rare display of humility and doesn’t sense the danger until Chanel shoves her down the long spiral staircase. We hear a loud crunch of Hester’s neck as she strikes the marble floor at the foot of the stairs.

It’s meat locker time for Hester.

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About Brundlefly Joe

Brundlefly Joe has acted in a few zero budget horror films, including playing the amazing Victim #2 in the short film "Daisy Derkins, Dogsitter of the Damned! (2008)." He has been busy creating film submission for Project 21 and other Philadelphia based film groups. Joe went to college for Film and Animation, and has made several short animation and film pieces. He loves to draw and paint and read; sometimes the same time! His passions include 1980's slasher movies, discovering new music, gobbling up Mexican food, buying stuff on Amazon, chilling with his lovely cat, watching movies involving Marvel superheroes, playing video games and cooking. He loves to cook. Like, a lot. Seriously. Brundleflies have four arms. He can cook two different dishes at the same time. He's great to have at parties. Just don't ask him to tenderize your food. He might get the wrong idea and go all Cronenberg on your plate.
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