Terminator Genysis: What the Hell Are They Thinking?!

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Someone’s going to need to put some Rustoleum on that.

 

 

“Everything has changed.”

“WE are humanity’s last hope.”

Me: “Bwaaaaah?”

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m a huge Terminator fan. (Well, of the first two movies. The third and fourth one and the half assed TV series just didn’t do it for me. ) I was interested in watching the new “Terminator Genisys”, right up until they released the full trailer for the movie. Now? Not so much.

Just watch trailer, and then read on to why I think this movie is going to suck big hairy donkey balls.

 

Top 5 Things Wrong with the new Terminator Movie

There are five things are extremely odd about this trailer.

Here they are, in no particular order.

1. It contains a HUGE spoiler by revealing that John comes back as some sort of super T-1000 human hybrid cyborg monster.

 

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Duuuude! My hand is totally melting and then reforming itself!

 

 

That should’ve been hinted at in the trailer, to pique people’s interest. They basically pulled the rabbit out of the hat, instead of just showing the magician putting his hand into the hat and starting to pull his hand out before cutting to a different shot. They blew their plot load in the trailer, instead of holding off and waiting for people to learn about it while watching the movie, which would have added a ton of buzz and free advertising once it was released. Bad move.

2. The timeline of this movie is all over the freaking place.

When does it take place? Are they jumping willy nilly throughout all the movie timelines in this one? Is it a chase through time type movie? Are they playing military time cops? If so, that should’ve been the main focus of the trailer.

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Doctor Who, John Conner, Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese are getting ready to draw straws to see who gets to be Good Time Cop and who gets to be Bad Time Cop.

 

According to IMDB, Kyle Reese time travels and finds himself in a different time line and ends up teaming up with the Arnold Terminator, Dr. Who and Sarah Connor to stop Judgement Day.

 

 

Hint: You can’t stop Judgement Day. I’ll make an indirect quote from “Doctor Who” to explain this one. It’s a fixed point in time. It cannot be changed. It will find a way to happen. Haven’t you learned anything?!  Where’s the fish sticks and custard. (I’m pretty sure Terminator loves fish sticks and custard, or is that Jelly Babies? Whatever, they’re pretty much the same thing anyways.)

 

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3. Why is there now a different T-1000 and a different Sarah Conner, and a different John Conner, and a different Kyle Reese, while the original Terminator is the same model and actor?

Why not explain that this is an alternate time line in the trailer since you’re dropping all your cards face up on the table for the audience anyways?

Oh, wait. I know. Name brand recognition. My bad.

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4. The Arnold Terminator goes back in time, saves Sarah, informs her of everything that is going to happen, and then sticks around to help her? Bwaaaaah?

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Yep, when we said he went back in time to save her, we meant, he went back to when she was a child and kidnapped her and raised her to be a super soldier. *sigh*

 

That completely negates the very human sacrifice the Terminator made in Terminator 2, and the death of Miles Dyson in the Cyberdine building.

 

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My precious! Nooooo!!!!

 

 

Sarah’s own decision to become a one woman army and fight Cyberdine Systems, and all of her own self agency and ability to move forward in the plot is taken away from her. Sarah’s parents are killed when she is little and then Arnie Terminator swoops in, saves her and raises her. What is up with that crap?

Don’t believe me? Here’s my source: http://sciencefiction.com/2014/12/04/everythings-changed-first-trailer-terminator-genisys/

I know that this is a reboot, but they’re unraveling all of the previous movies with it, instead of building on their legacy.  Me no likey at all. The most successful reboot/remakes to date have taken the core concepts of the original film and turned them into something new, with new characters and new ideas building on the old ones. The best example I can think of is “Evil Dead.”

5. Sarah Conner is now spouting Reese’s and the Arnold Terminator’s lines from the first two movies. WTF is up with that?

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What did they do to me?! What did they do?

 

 

Also, what is “Genysis?” Is that the name of the nanite/super fluid/microrobots that John Connor’s body is now composed of?

Come on, they could’ve at least explained that in the freaking trailer! ARGLEBLARGLE!

I don’t know about you, but I’m very hesitant about watching it now.  I’m certainly not going to pay top dollar to see it in the theaters. I’ll wait for it to be on Netflix. In the meantime, I’m going to go watch Timecop. It’s the same thing anyways.

 

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Did someone say Timecop? I’m your man!

 

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About Cassie Carnage

Horror connoisseur. She who types too fast. Lover of cats and monsters. You can find her debut horror novel, WE ARE ALL MONSTERS here: bit.ly/waam11 Her upcoming vampire novel series, Addicted to the Abyss Volumes 1 and 2 will be out late 2017.
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