Wes Craven announces “People Under The Stairs Vs Shocker.” Entire world astonished.

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Wes Craven, the master of cinematic dread who gave us sassy bedtime boogeyman Freddy Krueger and lethal horror fanatic Ghostface, announced via Twitter yesterday that he would soon be pitting two of his least interesting films against each other….1991’s oddball horror thriller “The People Under The Stairs” and the failed attempt to recapture the glory of Freddy with a newly created baddie in 1989’s “Shocker.”

In “Stairs VS. Shocker”, former cable TV installer turned serial killer turned electrical magic soul possession wise cracking limping monster guy Horace Pinker (played by the great Mitch Pileggi back in the halcyon days of 1989) becomes trapped during a frenetic lightning storm in a sprawling suburban house loaded with cray cray booby traps and some unshowered, tongueless chaps hiding out in the many secret passages.

 

 

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Feeling very vulnerable and afraid, as super powered murderous ghosts sometimes do, Pinker targets the two adult weirdos who run the place. And the match up no one ever asked for begins!

 

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In this epic battle of suburbanites in bondage gear and an incorporeal death row inmate who quite literally channel surfs using an actual surfboard, no one is safe! Craven has promised fans that we will see Pinker enter such television programs as “The Shark Tank” and “The Real Housewives Of Atlanta,” cooking those shallow brain donors with his electrocutioner’s touch. And, according to the horror maestro, Cravenites may finally see the return of beloved “The Hills Have Eyes” pooches Beauty and Beast. They are summoned forth via Horace’s televisiony abilities to bite some evil landlord butt.

Due to the hotly anticipated “X-Files” series returning to television, Craven was unable to cast Shocker star Mitch Pileggi as Horace Pinker again due the actor’s contract to portray Assistant Director Walter Skinner. Luckily, Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage wasn’t doing anything in particular, so Craven reluctantly signed him on.

In the new film, Horace is accidentally split into two separate beings. One is pure light and innocence and the other twisted and evil. Melissa McCarthy will portray Good Horace while celebrated comedic superstar Paul Reubens shows up as the sinister Naughty Horace. They merge to form Complete Horace, played by Cage.

Also, we’re going to see Hannibal’s Mads Mikkelsen in drag as a newly created character called The Hausfrau, who lives in a tiny cabinet within the house of horrors, emerging to cook and clean and attack.

“People Under the Stairs VS. Shocker.” Nothing can prepare you!

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About Brundlefly Joe

Brundlefly Joe has acted in a few zero budget horror films, including playing the amazing Victim #2 in the short film "Daisy Derkins, Dogsitter of the Damned! (2008)." He has been busy creating film submission for Project 21 and other Philadelphia based film groups. Joe went to college for Film and Animation, and has made several short animation and film pieces. He loves to draw and paint and read; sometimes the same time! His passions include 1980's slasher movies, discovering new music, gobbling up Mexican food, buying stuff on Amazon, chilling with his lovely cat, watching movies involving Marvel superheroes, playing video games and cooking. He loves to cook. Like, a lot. Seriously. Brundleflies have four arms. He can cook two different dishes at the same time. He's great to have at parties. Just don't ask him to tenderize your food. He might get the wrong idea and go all Cronenberg on your plate.
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