2016 was a year where there was a little bit of everything in the horror genre, among that a sequel to “The Conjuring” and some interesting ideas presented by different directors.
In this list you’ll see horror movies that though some of them had original ideas, the way that idea was executed wasn’t the best. At all. Seriously. These movies are terrible. Don’t watch them, unless you are a sucker for really, really, really bad movies. Then by all means, enjoy!
Here’s the thing about this movie: the trailers for “The Boy” made everyone think this was going to be a completely different movie than what it ended up being.
There are no supernatural elements in this film. At. All. Not a single one! Lame!
It is not about a ghost inhabiting a doll. Spoilers!
The story follows Greta a girl running from an abusive boyfriend, that accepts a job of babysitting a doll that she is told is an old couple’s son. Turns out they’re only slightly crazy, and their “dead son” is living in the walls…or something. Or is it her stalker boyfriend that lives in the walls? I honestly don’t remember. This movie sucked. Where’s the Tylenol?
It takes place in the infamous Suicide Forest (Aokigahara forest) in Japan. Which is home of a plethora of ghost stories in Japan. Like, a ton. It’s a very superstitious, and very real place, where people go to commit suicide.
OK, here’s the deal. There’s these two chicks that are twins. One of them is in Japan and goes missing in the forest because she went off the trail, because reasons. Sara, the other sister, goes to find her twin. She also goes off the trail, because reasons. Ghosts find them and they die. End movie.
The major problem with the film is that it’s boring, there’s not much tension or creepy moments in it at all.
How the hell do you mess this up? The setting and backdrop are PERFECT for a super scary ghost movie. And yet…and yet…NOTHING SCARY HAPPENS IN THIS FILM! In fact, not much happens in this movie at all. Having trouble falling asleep? Watch this! Best cure for insomnia. Guaranteed or your money back.*
*we’re not actually refunding your money. That is a joke. 😉
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR
“The Other Side of the Door” should’ve been titled: “Bad Choices The Movie.” Almost everything that happens in the movie is because of a grieving mother who lost her son in a car accident. And she makes the DUMBEST DECISIONS in the history of bad decisions in horror movies.
She does a ritual to contact her son’s spirit, doesn’t follow the rules, and lets her son’s evil spirit out by opening said door, and then her son’s ghost terrorizes her family, etc. etc.
BEFORE I WAKE
The story of a kid who could make his dreams and nightmares come true. It is a weak approach to a story related to cancer, and plenty of jump scares.
Don’t eat popcorn and watch this movie, you’ll end up with it all over your lap, on the floor, on the dog and/or cats, and possibly, the ceiling.
“Cabin Fever” is an unnecessary shot-for-shot remake of the original 2002 film. The new actors playing the same characters suck, and the changes made in the remake are inconsequential to what happens in the film. Also, it has a gross dog in it. Yay.
The changes are: the deputy is now a sheriff, and a blonde girl that doesn’t have any interesting character traits.
Jeff’s and Paul’s deaths are changed since the first one is sniped by the blonde sheriff, and the other dies in the forest next to another infected.
“The Darkness” gets a dishonorable mention.
Parents of a kid with autism, Mikey, leave him all alone when he falls into a cave. (Wait what?!) The kid takes ancient stones that prevent evil spirits from infecting the world, thus breaking the magic circle and allowing Ragnarök to happen. Or something.
The plot is convoluted, the parents are morons, and the kids are well…not portrayed accurately. (Let’s just leave it at that.)
My kid is vomiting blood, setting things on fire for fun, and talking to an imaginary friend who he blames for the faucets being turned on! Yup. Normal. Nothing wrong at all. Nope!